I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
