she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
