that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
