Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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