Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
