It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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