he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
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