I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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