So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
