is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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