I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
