just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
