Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
