i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
