so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
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