Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
The power of my boobs compel you
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
