I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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