so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
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