apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
