that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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