they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
