6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
