perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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