Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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