I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
