Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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