I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
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