the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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