and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
