If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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