when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
