My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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