you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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