your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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