A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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