This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
