GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
