I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
