i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
