i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Randomize
