I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
