My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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