I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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