I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
