Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
