You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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