I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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