Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Blow job season was short but glorious.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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