1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
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