Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
