Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
