We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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