We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
