my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You need Xanax blowdarts
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
