when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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