I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
