I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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