My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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