Since when is my name a synonym for head?
no you cant smoke seaweed
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
