nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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