Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
