its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
