We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
