how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Life is so much better after having sex.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
