I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize