i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
