Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
