no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
